Falling Is Like This
by Marineko
Summary: [yaoi - makisen] a sort of pointless pov fic...


falling is like this

note: words in italics are flashbacks.

"You can't fight gravity on a planet that insists  
That love is like falling, and falling is like this..."  
- _ani difranco_

I stand in front of your school gate, waiting. I know I wasn't supposed to be waiting for you. I know I was supposed to meet you later in the day, not now. I know that no one was supposed to know about us yet, not until you've made your decision...

But I can not help it.

When you see me leaning against the gate, your eyes widen slightly. I smile at your raised eyebrows, because I see the look in your eyes. It tells me that you missed me as much as I missed you, and that you are glad that I'm waiting. But there is another look, a sort of troubled confusion lingering in your eyes. I take no notice of it. You don't understand why you feel this way about me.

You leave your teammates behind you, and ran up to me, stopping short right in front of me. Then you give me that look again. Like you don't know what to do. Should you do what you felt like doing, embrace me, whisper how much you missed me, maybe kiss me? Should you pretend that we are just old friends? 

I told you before I left for college that I'd let you think about it, analyze your feelings to your heart's content. I told you that I wouldn't force you into a relationship that you don't want to be in. I told you that if you would rather pretend that night never happened, I would let you.

_He didn't know how it happened. One minute he was just talking to Maki after a game, and the next his back was against the wall, being kissed. He was shocked by the transition, but he didn't pull away. Soon he was responding to the kiss, lips opening, tongues exploring. He felt a strange feeling spreading over low down in his stomach, and he wanted it to stop. He knew it was exactly what Maki intended for him to feel. Then, before he knew what was going on, Maki's hands were under his shirt, tracing over his skin. The contact brought a new thought racing through his mind, and he panicked._

_"Stop."_

_It took him awhile to control himself, but Maki pulled away. He looked at Sendoh, who was looking at him in the most peculiar way._

_"What... what was that?" Sendoh asked in a small, breathless voice. His eyes looked up into Maki's in strange revelation, and at the same time seemed to be begging for an excuse, a way out._

_Maki just looked back._

We never did anything after that first kiss. I promised you that I would let you choose where we would go from there. But you never did choose. You were always trying to fight what you felt, no matter how futile the whole process seemed. In the end, I had to leave you, because I had to go to college. But I told you I would return on my break. I told you that I would listen to what you choose then.

Now you look at me, and your always-ready smile wavers. You don't know what to do, do you? You want to be with me but you're scared of what I make you feel.

I turn to leave you. I think I may be getting impatient with your indecisiveness. Fine; if you scared to be with me, you don't have to be.

"Shinichi."

I stop. This is the first time that you call me by my first name. I wait for you to speak, but you remain silent. Your hands slowly creep up and brushes against mine, hesitating, then grabbing hold. 

"Don't..." you whisper.

"Don't what?" I ask you. I turn back to face you, your hands still in mine. 

"Don't leave." I could see that you are still confused over what to do, but now your smile disappears completely, replaced by a small frown. I've only seen you frown once before.

_The two boys stand side by side, looking at the trophies behind the glass. "By the time you graduate, I'm sure you would have a shelf to yourself in your school's trophy room," Maki murmured absently, seeing the look in Sendoh's eyes as he gazed at all the trophies with Maki's name on them._

_Sendoh smiled uneasily. "I'm nowhere as good as you yet..."_

_"Don't underestimate yourself. If you weren't so good, then how do you explain all your fans?" Maki asked, smiling a little. "Everyone loves you."_

_Sendoh just frowned. "They love an image," he said._

"Have you decided, then?" I ask you. I may be in love, but I'm not stupid. I know you, inside and out. I know how you hate to make decisions when it comes to your life. I know how you never commit yourself, so that you could back out anytime you want. I know that in every relationship you've been in before, you called it quits everytime things seemed a little tough, or everytime too much feeling was involved. I know that although you pretend that everything's okay, deep inside you're scared of falling in love. I know that you think that falling meant being broken in the end. 

"Shinichi..." you start to say, in a small voice. Your hands tremble. My hold on them becomes tighter. My eyes doesn't leave yours. I think, I could not wait for you forever. 

Then... everything changes. I see an almost reckless glint in your eyes as you make your decision. You lean forward, and your lips gently touched mine. Your friends, all of whom had been staring curiously at us the whole while, gaped in surprise.

I want to deepen the kiss, but instead I pull back slightly and take a look at you. "Have you decided, then?" I ask again.

You nod slowly. I could see that you're still scared. I would have given you more time, then, but I hear you whisper ever so softly, "I love you, Shinichi."

Relief and lightness overwhelms me - finally, you've made your decision. I pull you into my arms and murmur in your ears, "Aishiteru. Akira." 

owari

  


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